Recalibration

In my last post, I hoped that life would happen less.  It didn’t.  Not only did I not get my research done, I fell into a period of deep depression that hindered me from getting work done.  Among other personal problems, much of it has to do with the on-going dark night of the soul, the never-ending wrestling of doubt which I face in the literature I read and the questions I ask about the world around me, intimately tied with the issues I address here on the Reform-Asian.

I’ve made some solid progress in my research project on the Church Fathers, so far with Ignatius of Antioch, Clement of Rome, Clement of Alexandria, Justin Martyr, Barnabas, Irenaeus, Tertullian.  I must have spent at least eight hours today doing that.  Gee, don’t I sound productive?  Except, I should have had this all completed weeks ago.

Procrastination, along with the intimidating challenge of quoting, citing, organizing the digitized .pdf files of the monstrously voluminous volumes of the Ante-Nicene Fathers and the Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers series simply deterred me from doing the work that I should have done.  I will find it miraculous to successfully manage my course load, my readings, my obligations for the rest of the semester.

Some things are different.  Everything looks different.  Something with my system is off-kilter, and I’m just trying to recalibrate.  I try not to stress.  Will we care about what we do today in five, ten years?

Take it easy. Life is short. It’s okay if I get a C.  And if that’s too presumptuous for me to assume that I’ll even acquire a grade that high, whatever.  Life moves on, so will I.

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